How do I forgive someone who hurt me?
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
New International Version (NIV)
The answer
Forgive by releasing personal revenge to God and choosing mercy because God has forgiven you in Christ. This is a sincere choice “from your hearts” (Matthew 18:35), often renewed when the pain returns. Forgiveness does not mean calling the wrong acceptable, denying the hurt, or immediately restoring trust.
Step 1: Name the wrong honestly
- Refuse pretence: Identify what happened and how it affected you before God. Forgiveness is not minimizing sin or forcing yourself to say that it did not matter.
- Surrender the poison: Bitterness, rage, slander and malice must be put away, not nourished through repeated retaliation or character assassination (Ephesians 4:31).
- Reject payback: Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil.” The desire for revenge can be acknowledged without being obeyed.
Step 2: Remember the mercy you have received
- Look to Christ: Colossians 3:13 commands, “even as Christ forgave you, so you also do.” Christian forgiveness flows from having been forgiven an immeasurably greater debt.
- Grasp the comparison: In Jesus’ parable, the king releases a servant’s enormous debt, yet that servant violently demands payment of a tiny debt from someone else (Matthew 18:23-33). Remembering divine mercy exposes the ugliness of demanding payment while refusing to show mercy.
- Take the warning seriously: Jesus concludes that the heavenly Father will judge the person who refuses to forgive a brother from the heart (Matthew 18:34-35). Forgiveness is not an optional extra in the Christian life.
Step 3: Hand judgment over to God
- Release personal vengeance: Romans 12:19 says, “Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath.” Letting God judge means the offender does not escape justice; judgment simply no longer belongs in your hands.
- Make the choice concrete: Deliberately relinquish fantasies of humiliating, hurting or ruining the person. Ask God for the tenderheartedness that Ephesians 4:32 commands rather than waiting until every painful feeling has disappeared.
- Leave the outcome with God: Forgiveness does not require understanding why the person acted as they did or receiving an apology first. It entrusts the unresolved matter to the God who judges rightly.
Step 4: Seek truth and peace wisely
- Address the sin when appropriate: Luke 17:3 says, “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him.” A truthful conversation may be necessary; silent resentment is not the same as peace.
- Pursue peace without pretending: Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men.” Do what belongs to you, while recognizing that another person can refuse reconciliation.
- Distinguish forgiveness from trust: Forgiveness releases revenge; restored closeness ordinarily requires truth, repentance, safety and rebuilt trust. Forgiving someone does not require granting immediate access or ignoring ongoing danger.
Step 5: Keep practising mercy
- Return to the choice when memories return: Jesus answered Peter’s question about repeated offences by requiring forgiveness far beyond a bare minimum: “until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). Repeatedly bringing the wound back to God is not a excuse for rehearsing revenge.
- Answer evil with good: Romans 12:20-21 calls for meeting need rather than retaliating and concludes, “Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Any practical kindness should be wise and safe, not a surrender to further abuse.
- Grow into kindness: The aim is not merely suppressed anger but the character described in Ephesians 4:32: “be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.”
When reconciliation does not happen
A person can release vengeance and refuse bitterness even when the offender remains unrepentant or reconciliation is unsafe. Forgiveness is obedience to God; reconciliation also depends on the other person’s response. Continue to speak truth, maintain necessary boundaries, and entrust both justice and healing to God.
Answered from Scripture · reviewed November 11, 2026
Scripture never treats forgiveness as an involuntary emotion that arrives with time, but as a decisive, costly choice of the will to cancel an unpaid debt. We are called to forgive those who wrong us because God in Christ has already cancelled our infinitely greater debt against Him.
Putting Off Bitterness
Uproot the Poisonous Soil of Unresolved Anger
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Ephesians 4:31 (NIV)
This verse commands the absolute removal of inward malice and vocal hostility before true reconciliation or grace can take root.
In Ephesians 4:31, Scripture commands a total clean sweep of the inner life: put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander, along with all malice. Forgiveness cannot take root where resentment is secretly cultivated. Bitterness is not a passive wound that heals by neglect; it is an active toxin. Colossians 3:8 repeats the identical imperative to cast off anger, malice, and abusive speech, stripping them away like filthy rags. Solomon observes in Ecclesiastes 7:9 that anger lodges comfortably only in the heart of fools, while James 1:19 counsels believers to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Purging this hostility requires deliberate, daily vigilance. First Peter 2:1 directs us to lay aside every trace of malice, deceit, hypocrisy, and slander, ensuring that our internal posture matches our outward profession. Even in the closest covenant relationships, vigilance is required: Colossians 3:19 explicitly warns husbands to love their wives and never become bitter against them. The author of Hebrews 12:15 sounds a grave warning against letting any root of bitterness spring up, knowing its unique power to trouble the soul and defile many.
Scripture therefore establishes strict boundaries of time and temper. Proverbs 19:11 notes that discretion makes a person slow to anger, declaring it an honor to overlook an offense whenever possible. Yet when an offense cannot simply be overlooked, Ephesians 4:26 forbids the sun going down upon our wrath. Lingering grievances do not fade with the sunset; instead, as Ephesians 4:27 soberly warns, unaddressed indignation gives the devil an immediate foothold to fracture fellowship and enslave the wounded heart to malice.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Ephesians 4:31 | Demands putting away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. |
| Colossians 3:8 | Commands believers to put off anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from their mouths. |
| Ecclesiastes 7:9 | Warns against being hasty in spirit to anger, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. |
| James 1:19 | Exhorts everyone to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. |
| 1 Peter 2:1 | Instructs believers to rid themselves of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all slander. |
| Colossians 3:19 | Commands husbands to love their wives and not be embittered against them. |
| Hebrews 12:15 | Warns against any root of bitterness springing up to cause trouble and defile many. |
| Proverbs 19:11 | A person's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. |
| Ephesians 4:26 | Believers are instructed not to let the sun go down while still angry. |
| Ephesians 4:27 | Unresolved anger gives the devil an opportunity and a foothold. |
The Divine Pattern
Forgive by the Standard of Christ's Pardon
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
It establishes the cross of Christ as both the measure and the power behind every act of interpersonal forgiveness.
The decisive command of Ephesians 4:32 exposes our natural excuses by fixing our eyes on Calvary: be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. We are not urged to pardon others because their offense was small, nor because they have sufficiently suffered, but strictly because our own cosmic debt has been washed away by sovereign mercy. Colossians 3:13 reinforces this standard, commanding us to bear patiently with one another and forgive every grievance precisely as the Lord forgave us.
This cross-shaped standard reshapes how we view every offender. In Titus 3:2, believers are exhorted to malign no one, avoid strife, and demonstrate genuine gentleness toward all people. To keep pride from creeping back in, Titus 3:3 reminds us of who we once were: foolish, disobedient, led astray, living in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. Divine mercy found us in that exact condition. As Romans 5:8 proclaims, God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Jesus did not wait for humanity to become hospitable before shedding His blood on our behalf. Walking in His steps means adopting the same holy restraint shown in 1 Peter 2:23, where Christ, when insulted, did not insult in return; when suffering, He uttered no threats, but continually entrusted His cause to the One who judges righteously. True forgiveness rests on this deep security: we can let go of personal vengeance because justice belongs to God. First John 4:11 settles the moral obligation once and for all: since God loved us with such immense, unearned grace, we also have an undeniable duty to love and pardon one another.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Ephesians 4:32 | Commands believers to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as God in Christ forgave them. |
| Colossians 3:13 | Directs believers to bear with one another and forgive grievances just as the Lord forgave them. |
| Titus 3:2 | Urges believers to speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, and show perfect courtesy to all. |
| Titus 3:3 | Reminds believers of their past state of malice, envy, hatred, and disobedience prior to God's mercy. |
| Romans 5:8 | Declares that God demonstrates His love in that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. |
| 1 Peter 2:23 | Christ did not retaliate when reviled, but entrusted Himself to the One who judges righteously. |
| 1 John 4:11 | Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. |
The Measure and Heart
Release the Offender from the Inward Ledger
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Matthew 18:35 (NIV)
Jesus clarifies that forgiveness cannot merely be an external gesture; it must issue unreservedly from the heart.
In Matthew 18:35, the Lord delivers an inescapable verdict: our heavenly Father will deal severely with anyone who refuses to forgive his brother from the heart. Forgiveness is neither a polite outward truce nor a calculated negotiation. When Peter approached in Matthew 18:21 asking whether forgiving a sinning brother seven times was sufficient, Jesus answered in Matthew 18:22 with seventy times seven, eradicating any arithmetic limit on mercy. In Luke 17:3–4, Christ underscores this tireless posture, commanding that even if an offender sins and repents seven times in a single day, we must extend full pardon every time.
Jesus illustrates this through the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:23. A king called accounts and encountered a debtor who owed ten thousand talents (Matthew 18:24)—an astronomical, impossible sum running into billions of modern dollars. Since the man was entirely bankrupt, the master ordered him, his wife, children, and possessions sold (Matthew 18:25). The servant fell on his face pleading for impossible patience (Matthew 18:26). Moved with profound compassion, the master released him and completely cancelled the colossal debt (Matthew 18:27).
Yet that same servant went out, seized a fellow servant who owed him a mere hundred denarii—a few months of wages—and choked him, demanding payment (Matthew 18:28). Though his peer made the exact same plea for mercy (Matthew 18:29), he refused and cast him into prison (Matthew 18:30). Grieved onlookers reported the cruelty (Matthew 18:31). Summoning him, the master denounced his wicked hypocrisy for refusing to show the same mercy he received (Matthew 18:32–33) and delivered him to the tormentors until the full debt was settled (Matthew 18:34). First Corinthians 13:5 confirms that true love keeps no record of wrongs; refusing to pardon is treating our neighbor's small debt as unforgivable while presuming upon God's infinite pardon of our own.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Matthew 18:21 | Records Peter asking if he should forgive his sinning brother as many as seven times. |
| Matthew 18:22 | Reveals Jesus answering that forgiveness must be extended up to seventy times seven. |
| Matthew 18:32 | Portrays the master rebuking the servant whose immense debt he had freely cancelled. |
| Matthew 18:33 | Demands whether the servant should not have shown mercy just as he had received mercy. |
| Matthew 18:35 | Warns that God will judge anyone who does not forgive their brother from the heart. |
| Luke 17:3 | Instructs disciples to rebuke a sinning brother and forgive him if he repents. |
| Luke 17:4 | Commands forgiving a brother even if he sins and repents seven times in a day. |
| Matthew 18:23 | The kingdom of heaven is compared to a king who settled accounts with his servants. |
| Matthew 18:24 | One servant owed an unpayable debt of ten thousand talents. |
| Matthew 18:25 | The master commanded the servant and his family to be sold to repay the debt. |
| Matthew 18:26 | The servant fell down begging for patience and promising to pay all. |
| Matthew 18:27 | Out of pity, the master released him and cancelled the massive debt entirely. |
| Matthew 18:28 | The forgiven servant violently seized a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii. |
| Matthew 18:29 | The fellow servant begged with the exact same plea for patience. |
| Matthew 18:30 | He refused and threw his fellow servant into prison until the debt was paid. |
| Matthew 18:31 | The other servants saw what happened, felt grieved, and reported it to their master. |
| Matthew 18:34 | In fury the master delivered the unforgiving servant to the jailers until all was paid. |
| 1 Corinthians 13:5 | Christian love is not irritable or resentful and keeps no record of wrongs. |
Prayer and Mercy
Bring the Grievance Directly to God in Prayer
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Mark 11:25 (NIV)
It shows that approaching God in prayer immediately tests whether we are holding grudges against others.
In Mark 11:25, Jesus connects the throne room of prayer directly to the ledger of our earthly relationships: whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Prayer instantly exposes lingering resentment. We cannot approach God for tender fellowship while clenching our fists against someone who has wounded us. The posture of prayer demands open hands, surrendering our perceived right to retaliate before the holy Judge of all the earth.
This principle stands at the core of the pattern Jesus gave His disciples. In Matthew 6:12, the Lord's Prayer binds our petitions for pardon to our treatment of others: forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Christ immediately presses the consequence in Matthew 6:14–15, stating plainly that if we forgive others their trespasses, our heavenly Father will forgive us, but if we do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will our Father forgive ours. An unforgiving spirit reveals a heart that has never truly grasped the horrifying weight of its own sin or the costly grace that washed it away.
Scripture gives us the ultimate embodiment of this intercessory grace at the crucifixion. In Luke 23:34, as Roman soldiers drove iron spikes into His flesh, Jesus cried out, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. He did not wait for remorse or restitution; He interceded for His executioners in the very act of murder. The deacon Stephen mirrored this identical, Spirit-filled posture in Acts 7:60. Falling to his knees beneath a hail of crushing stones, he cried with a loud voice, Lord, do not hold this sin against them. Bringing grievances directly to God transforms our agony into intercession, releasing our offenders into His sovereign hands and preserving our souls in the freedom of His grace.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Mark 11:25 | Instructs that whenever standing to pray, one must forgive whatever grievance is held against anyone. |
| Matthew 6:12 | Petitions the Father to forgive our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. |
| Matthew 6:14 | Promises that forgiving others their trespasses brings the Heavenly Father's forgiveness. |
| Matthew 6:15 | Warns that refusing to forgive others means the Father will not forgive our trespasses. |
| Luke 23:34 | Records Jesus praying on the cross for His executioners because they did not know what they did. |
| Acts 7:60 | Records Stephen kneeling as he died to ask the Lord not to hold this sin against his killers. |
Putting On Mercy
Clothe Yourself in Genuine Kindness and Good
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12 (NIV)
This passage describes the positive spiritual garments believers are commanded to wear in place of resentment.
In Colossians 3:12, Scripture commands God's chosen people to clothe themselves with heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. True biblical forgiveness is never a cold, legal transaction that leaves bitterness untouched; it actively replaces venom with Christlike virtue. When someone causes acute pain, human instinct demands immediate retaliation, but God repeatedly closes that door. In Romans 12:17, the Apostle Paul instructs us never to repay evil for evil, but to pursue what is noble before all men. Because God alone possesses pure righteousness and perfect justice, Romans 12:19 forbids taking personal revenge, reserving vengeance solely for the Lord. Rather than remaining passive, the believer is directed toward radical, practical benevolence. Citing ancient wisdom from Proverbs 25:21 and Proverbs 25:22, Paul writes in Romans 12:20 that if your enemy is hungry, you must feed him, and if he thirsts, give him drink. By answering malice with charity, you heap burning coals of conviction upon his head, breaking the cycle of retribution. Thus, Romans 12:21 delivers the decisive charge: do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. To the extent that it lies within our power, Romans 12:18 urges us to live at peace with everyone. This posture fulfills the challenging commands of the Lord Jesus Christ in Luke 6:27 and Luke 6:28, where He directs His followers to love their enemies, do good to those who hate them, bless those who curse them, and pray for those who abuse them. In Luke 6:35, Christ calls us to lend and sacrifice expecting nothing in return, reflecting the divine character: Luke 6:36 bids us to be merciful just as our heavenly Father is merciful. Jesus warns in Luke 6:37 that withholding pardon invites judgment, whereas releasing the debtor unleashes divine blessing. The Apostle Peter seals this standard in 1 Peter 3:9, instructing us never to return reviling for reviling, but rather to repay with a blessing, knowing we were called to inherit a blessing ourselves.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Colossians 3:12 | Calls the elect of God to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering. |
| Romans 12:17 | Instructs believers never to repay anyone evil for evil, but to pursue what is honorable. |
| Romans 12:19 | Forbids taking personal revenge, leaving wrath to God who declares vengeance belongs to Him. |
| Romans 12:20 | Commands feeding an enemy who is hungry and giving drink to an enemy who thirsts. |
| Romans 12:21 | Exhorts believers not to be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good. |
| Luke 6:27 | Commands loving enemies, doing good to those who hate you, and praying for persecutors. |
| Luke 6:28 | Directs believers to bless those who curse them and pray for those who mistreat them. |
| Proverbs 25:21 | If an enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if thirsty, give water. |
| Proverbs 25:22 | Doing good to an enemy heaps burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward. |
| Romans 12:18 | So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people. |
| Luke 6:35 | Love your enemies, do good, and lend expecting nothing in return. |
| Luke 6:36 | Be merciful, just as your Father in heaven is merciful. |
| Luke 6:37 | Do not judge, do not condemn, and forgive, and you will be forgiven. |
| 1 Peter 3:9 | Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but repay with a blessing. |
Providence and Pardon
Recognize God's Sovereign Hand Working Through Personal Betrayal
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
Joseph locates the power to forgive deep injury in God's overarching purpose to bring good out of human evil.
The profound declaration of Genesis 50:20 reveals the bedrock foundation of lasting forgiveness: you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good. Joseph stood before the very brothers who had stripped him, cast him into a pit, and sold him into foreign slavery. Yet his ability to look past their vicious betrayal sprang directly from an unwavering faith in the sovereign providence of God Almighty. Years earlier, when he first revealed his true identity to them in Genesis 45:4, his immediate impulse was not vengeance but pastoral consolation. In Genesis 45:5, Joseph urged his terrified brothers not to be distressed or angry with themselves for selling him away, because God had sent him ahead of them to preserve life. He reiterated this divine purpose in Genesis 45:7, testifying that the Lord had orchestrated his steps to preserve a remnant on the earth and deliver many through a great salvation. Therefore, as Genesis 45:8 boldly concludes, it was ultimately not human malice that placed him in Egypt, but the sovereign hand of God. When their father Jacob died, the brothers feared that Joseph had merely delayed his revenge. Yet in Genesis 50:19, Joseph wept and asked them plainly, 'Am I in the place of God?' He refused to usurp God's judgment seat. Recognizing that God had overruled human sin to accomplish salvation for countless souls, Joseph in Genesis 50:21 spoke kindly to their hearts, promising to provide for them and their children. Believers wounded by family, friends, or trusted allies can forgive only when they anchor their hearts in this same truth: no human betrayal can derail God's sovereign, redemptive purpose for His children.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Genesis 45:4 | Joseph invites his brothers near and identifies himself as the one they sold into Egypt. |
| Genesis 45:5 | Joseph tells them not to be grieved or angry, for God sent him ahead to preserve life. |
| Genesis 45:7 | God sent Joseph before them to preserve a remnant on earth and save their lives. |
| Genesis 45:8 | Joseph reassures them that it was not they who sent him there, but God. |
| Genesis 50:19 | Joseph asks his brothers whether he is in the place of God to execute vengeance. |
| Genesis 50:20 | Though they intended evil against him, God intended it for good to save many people. |
| Genesis 50:21 | Joseph comforts his brothers and promises to provide for them and their little ones. |
Reconciliation and Restitution
Pursue Truthful Peacemaking and Restorative Reconciliation
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
Matthew 18:15 (NIV)
Christ establishes that forgiving someone who hurt you involves private, proactive pursuit of the brother to win him back.
Forgiveness does not bypass truth or sweep sin under the carpet; rather, it pursues righteous restoration. In Matthew 18:15, the Lord Jesus lays down the sacred pathway for addressing personal injury: if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. The offended believer is summoned to proactive, private peacemaking, seeking above all to win back the straying brother rather than gossip about the offense. This urgent duty mirrors Christ's instruction in Matthew 5:23 and Matthew 5:24, where He commands that even worship must wait if reconciliation is neglected: leave your gift before the altar, go first and be reconciled to your brother, and then offer your worship. When private confrontation fails, Matthew 18:16 directs the believer to bring one or two witnesses so that every charge may be established in sobriety and truth. If stubborn impenitence persists, Matthew 18:17 commands taking the matter before the gathered assembly of the church, treating the unrepentant transgressor as an outsider until he turns. Throughout this corrective process, Galatians 6:1 demands that spiritual believers restore any fallen person with a spirit of gentle meekness, keeping careful watch over their own hearts lest they also fall into temptation. Where repentance is found, the response must be swift and abundant. In 2 Corinthians 2:7, the Apostle Paul instructs the church to forgive and comfort the repentant brother so that he is not swallowed up by excessive sorrow. Paul urges the believers in 2 Corinthians 2:8 to reaffirm their love toward him openly. Emphasizing his own readiness to forgive in the presence of Christ in 2 Corinthians 2:10, Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 2:11 that withholding restoration allows Satan to outwit the congregation, exploiting lingering resentment to fracture the body of Christ.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Matthew 5:23 | If offering a gift at the altar and remembering a brother has something against you. |
| Matthew 5:24 | Leave your gift before the altar, go and be reconciled first, then come offer it. |
| Matthew 18:15 | If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. |
| Matthew 18:16 | If he does not listen, take one or two others along so every charge is established. |
| Matthew 18:17 | If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; if he refuses the church, let him be as a gentler or tax collector. |
| Galatians 6:1 | Restore anyone caught in a transgression with a spirit of gentleness, keeping watch on yourself. |
| 2 Corinthians 2:7 | Believers should forgive and comfort the repentant wrongdoer so he is not overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. |
| 2 Corinthians 2:8 | Paul urges the congregation to reaffirm their love toward the restored brother. |
| 2 Corinthians 2:10 | Paul forgives in the presence of Christ for their sake, to maintain community peace. |
| 2 Corinthians 2:11 | Forgiveness prevents Satan from outwitting believers, for they are not ignorant of his designs. |
Where in the Bible
| Book | Passages |
|---|---|
| Genesis | 7 · Genesis 45:4, Genesis 45:5, Genesis 45:7, Genesis 45:8, Genesis 50:19, Genesis 50:20, Genesis 50:21 |
| Proverbs | 3 · Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 25:21, Proverbs 25:22 |
| Ecclesiastes | 1 · Ecclesiastes 7:9 |
| Matthew | 23 · Matthew 18:21, Matthew 18:22, Matthew 18:32, Matthew 18:33, Matthew 18:35, Matthew 18:23, Matthew 18:24, Matthew 18:25, Matthew 18:26, Matthew 18:27, Matthew 18:28, Matthew 18:29, Matthew 18:30, Matthew 18:31, Matthew 18:34, Matthew 6:12, Matthew 6:14, Matthew 6:15, Matthew 5:23, Matthew 5:24, Matthew 18:15, Matthew 18:16, Matthew 18:17 |
| Mark | 1 · Mark 11:25 |
| Luke | 8 · Luke 17:3, Luke 17:4, Luke 23:34, Luke 6:27, Luke 6:28, Luke 6:35, Luke 6:36, Luke 6:37 |
| Acts | 1 · Acts 7:60 |
| Romans | 6 · Romans 5:8, Romans 12:17, Romans 12:19, Romans 12:20, Romans 12:21, Romans 12:18 |
| 1 Corinthians | 1 · 1 Corinthians 13:5 |
| 2 Corinthians | 4 · 2 Corinthians 2:7, 2 Corinthians 2:8, 2 Corinthians 2:10, 2 Corinthians 2:11 |
| Galatians | 1 · Galatians 6:1 |
| Ephesians | 4 · Ephesians 4:31, Ephesians 4:26, Ephesians 4:27, Ephesians 4:32 |
| Colossians | 4 · Colossians 3:8, Colossians 3:19, Colossians 3:13, Colossians 3:12 |
| Titus | 2 · Titus 3:2, Titus 3:3 |
| Hebrews | 1 · Hebrews 12:15 |
| James | 1 · James 1:19 |
| 1 Peter | 3 · 1 Peter 2:1, 1 Peter 2:23, 1 Peter 3:9 |
| 1 John | 1 · 1 John 4:11 |
The story in order
- Creation and Fall (c. 4000 BC) · Genesis 3:1-19 · Sin enters the world, introducing the need for forgiveness.
- Joseph's Betrayal and Providence (c. 1800 BC) · Genesis 45:4-8 · God's sovereign hand works through betrayal for good.
- The Law Given (c. 1450 BC) · Exodus 20:1-17 · Establishes God's righteous standards and the consequences of sin.
- Wisdom Literature on Anger (c. 950 BC) · Proverbs 19:11 · Advises discretion and slowness to anger, valuing overlooking offenses.
- Prophetic Call to Repentance (c. 700 BC) · Isaiah 55:6-7 · God calls for turning from sin and offers abundant forgiveness.
- Jesus Teaches Forgiveness (c. AD 30) · Matthew 18:21-22 · Jesus sets the standard for repeated, abundant forgiveness.
- Jesus Teaches on Prayer and Forgiveness (c. AD 30) · Matthew 6:12 · Links God's forgiveness of us to our forgiveness of others.
- Jesus' Example on the Cross (AD 30) · Luke 23:34 · Jesus prays for forgiveness for His crucifiers.
- The Holy Spirit Empowers (c. AD 60) · Ephesians 4:31-32 · Believers are commanded to forgive as God forgave them.
- Apostolic Instruction on Love (c. AD 55) · 1 Corinthians 13:5 · Love is patient, kind, does not keep a record of wrongs.
- Restoration of a Sinner (c. AD 56) · 2 Corinthians 2:7-8 · The church is urged to forgive and comfort a repentant sinner.
- The Church's Mission (c. AD 60) · Colossians 1:13-14 · Believers have been rescued and forgiven through Christ.
God's Forgiveness as the Model
| God's Action | Our Response | Passage |
|---|---|---|
| God demonstrates His love: Christ died for us while sinners. | Romans 5:8 | Romans 5:8 |
| God forgave our immense debt. | Matthew 18:27 | Matthew 18:27 |
| God is merciful and forgiving. | Luke 6:36 | Luke 6:36 |
| We are to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, as God in Christ forgave us. | Ephesians 4:32 | Ephesians 4:32 |
| We are to forgive grievances as the Lord forgave us. | Colossians 3:13 | Colossians 3:13 |
| We are to be merciful as our Father is merciful. | Luke 6:36 | Luke 6:36 |
The Cost of Unforgiveness
| Action | Consequence | Passage |
|---|---|---|
| Unresolved anger gives the devil an opportunity. | Ephesians 4:27 | Ephesians 4:27 |
| Not forgiving from the heart leads to judgment. | Matthew 18:35 | Matthew 18:35 |
| Refusing to forgive means the Father will not forgive our trespasses. | Matthew 6:15 | Matthew 6:15 |
| The unforgiving servant was delivered to jailers. | Matthew 18:34 | Matthew 18:34 |
Overcoming Evil with Good
| Evil Action | Godly Response | Passage |
|---|---|---|
| Do not repay evil for evil. | Romans 12:17 | Romans 12:17 |
| Do not take personal revenge; leave wrath to God. | Romans 12:19 | Romans 12:19 |
| Feed an enemy who is hungry. | Romans 12:20 | Romans 12:20 |
| Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. | Romans 12:21 | Romans 12:21 |
| Love enemies, do good to those who hate you. | Luke 6:27 | Luke 6:27 |
| Repay reviling with a blessing. | 1 Peter 3:9 | 1 Peter 3:9 |
Key words
- Bitterness (pikría (Gk))
- A deep-seated resentment and anger that poisons relationships and defiles many. · Hebrews 12:15
- Anger (orgḗ (Gk))
- A strong feeling of displeasure, often leading to wrath and malice. · Ephesians 4:31
- Forgiveness (aphiēmi (Gk))
- To cancel a debt or waive a right to punishment; to release an offender. · Matthew 18:27
- Mercy (éleos (Gk))
- Compassion or kindness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. · Luke 6:36
- Debt (opheilḗmata (Gk))
- Something owed, often referring to sins against God or others. · Matthew 6:12
- Reconciliation (katallassō (Gk))
- The process of restoring a relationship that has been broken by sin. · 2 Corinthians 5:18
Forgiving someone who caused deep pain is not a denial of the wound, but an intentional transfer of the offense into the hands of the righteous Judge. As you release the debtor from what they owe you, you walk in the very grace that delivered you from condemnation.
72 passages, each cited once.
Scripture cited
- Matthew 18:21-35
- Romans 12:17-21
- Luke 17:3-4
- Colossians 3:12-13