Do I have to forgive someone who isn't sorry?
Luke 23:34
34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
New International Version (NIV)
The answer
Yes — and the weight of Scripture is striking on this point. The command to forgive does not, in most of Jesus' words, turn on the other person's sorrow. Jesus prayed from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34), for men who were not sorry and would not be for years. He tells His disciples plainly: “If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). No repentance on their part is named. He closes the parable of the unmerciful servant with, “So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don’t each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds” (Matthew 18:35). Peter had to ask the same question you are asking, and Jesus' answer was seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22).
What forgiveness actually is
The Greek word aphiémi (ἀφίημι) means to release, to let a debt go. Forgiveness in Scripture is a heart-act of releasing the claim someone owes you. Paul tells us to do this “even as Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13) — and Christ died for us, in Paul's own words, “while we were yet sinners” (Romans 5:8). We were exactly the un-sorry party the cross was aimed at. So the pattern set for us is forgiveness that does not wait on the offender.
What repentance is for — reconciliation, not the release
Luke 17:3-4 does say, “If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him.” Many read this rightly: repentance is the door to restored relationship, not the condition of the heart-release Jesus commands. You must release the debt even when they will not repent. Whether you walk close with them again, eat with them, trust them with your life — those are matters wisdom, repentance and accountability address (see Matthew 18:15-17). Two things to hold together: an unbending command to forgive from the heart, and a real, biblical process for reconciliation that can require the other person to come.
What this looks like in practice
- Release the claim. Stop holding the debt over them as a weapon or a wound you nurse (Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14-15).
- Pray for them, as Jesus did for His killers (Luke 23:34). Praying “Father, forgive” was His first move on the cross.
- Bless, do not curse. Romans 12:14 says, “Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.” That is the mark of a person who has released the debt.
- Pursue reconciliation if they will receive it, but do not force trust where there has been no repentance or repentance's fruit (Matthew 18:15-17; Galatians 6:1).
- Do not pretend protection is faith. Proverbs 24:17-18 warns against rejoicing in a fall — but God also gives practical wisdom (Proverbs 27:12) and the church discipline process of Matthew 18 for unrepentant harm.
Forgiveness from the heart is not optional for a Christian (Matthew 18:35). It is also not a feeling that arrives on cue; it is a willingness to release, worked out over time by the Spirit, often through prayer for the very person who wronged you. Your pastor can walk with you through a specific hurt — that is exactly what shepherds are for.
Answered from Scripture · reviewed November 7, 2026
Scripture commands believers to forgive from the heart even when the person who caused the harm has offered no apology or repentance. While full reconciliation and restored trust require mutual repentance, the heart-act of releasing the debt before God is unconditional. Examining the full counsel of God shows why releasing bitterness reflects Christ and guards the believer's own fellowship with the Father.
The Heart-Debt
Forgiveness Begins With Releasing the Debt to God
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Matthew 18:35 (NIV)
Jesus makes personal, heart-level forgiveness of misdeeds an absolute requirement under the sovereign rule of the Father.
In Matthew 18:35, Jesus delivers a sobering conclusion to the parable of the unmerciful servant: the Father requires each disciple to forgive his brother from the heart. The standard of Heaven is not a formal truce or cold endurance, but an internal release of the debt owed. In the model prayer of Matthew 6:12, Jesus taught His followers to plead for daily forgiveness precisely as they forgive their debtors, warning immediately in Matthew 6:14-15 that withholding forgiveness closes the human heart to the joyful reception of God's daily relational mercy. When Peter asked in Matthew 18:21-22 whether seven offenses represented the boundary of graciousness, Christ multiplied the figure beyond calculation to dismantle any ledger of grievance. In the parable itself (Matthew 18:23-34), a king remitted an astronomical debt of ten thousand talents; yet that forgiven debtor seized a fellow servant who owed a mere hundred denarii, throttling him and refusing mercy. The master's furious verdict demonstrates that failing to release another reveals utter contempt for the colossal mercy one has received from God. Jesus underlines the urgency of this posture in Mark 11:25, commanding that whenever a believer stands praying, any grudge held against anyone must be surrendered on the spot, prior to and independent of any plea from the offender.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Matthew 6:12 | Jesus models praying for the Father to forgive debts as debts have been forgiven to others. |
| Matthew 6:14-15 | Jesus states that personal forgiveness of others directly correlates to receiving the Father's forgiveness. |
| Matthew 18:21-22 | Jesus instructs Peter to forgive seven times seventy, removing human mathematical limits on releasing offenses. |
| Matthew 18:35 | The Father judges those who refuse to forgive a brother from the heart for misdeeds. |
| Mark 11:25 | Jesus commands believers to forgive whenever they stand praying, so the Father may forgive their trespasses. |
| Matthew 18:23-34 | The unmerciful servant is delivered to the torturers after refusing to release his fellow servant's smaller debt. |
The Cross Pattern
Christ Forgave Before We Ever Turned to Him
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Luke 23:34 (NIV)
From the cross, Jesus interceded for His crucifiers before any of them demonstrated sorrow or repentance.
The definitive pattern for forgiving the unrepentant appears at Golgotha in Luke 23:34, where Christ prayed, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. He offered this intercession while soldiers gambled for His garments and rulers sneered, waiting for no apology before extending sovereign mercy. The apostle Paul grounds our daily conduct in this same reality: Romans 5:8 declares that God showed His singular love because Christ died for us while we were still unrepentant sinners. Romans 5:10 adds that we were reconciled through the death of His Son when we were active enemies of God. Therefore, Ephesians 4:32 commands believers to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward one another, establishing the explicit benchmark: just as God in Christ forgave you. Colossians 3:13 repeats this baseline, directing disciples to bear with one another and forgive any grievance precisely as the Lord forgave them. In 1 Peter 2:21-23, Peter sets forward the suffering Servant who uttered no threats and returned no reviling, but quietly entrusted His vindication to the righteous Judge. Finally, 1 John 4:10-11 reminds the church that genuine love originated not in human affection toward God, but in His sending the Son as the atoning sacrifice, creating an inescapable obligation to love others with the same unmerited grace.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Luke 23:34 | Jesus prays for the Father to forgive His killers because they do not know what they do. |
| Romans 5:8 | God demonstrates His love in that Christ died for humanity while people were still unrepentant sinners. |
| Romans 5:10 | Reconciliation with God was accomplished through Christ's death while we were yet enemies. |
| Ephesians 4:32 | Paul commands believers to be kind and tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave them. |
| Colossians 3:13 | Believers are instructed to bear with one another and forgive complaints as the Lord forgave them. |
| 1 Peter 2:21-23 | Christ suffered unjustly without reviling or threatening, entrusting Himself to the One who judges righteously. |
| 1 John 4:10-11 | God loved and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice while we were sinners, obligating believers to love one another. |
Blessing Enemies
Love Refuses Revenge and Intercedes for the Sinner
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Romans 12:14 (NIV)
Paul shows that the heart that releases offenses responds to persecution by actively speaking blessing instead of cursing.
In Romans 12:14, the apostle commands believers to bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. This command reflects the sermon on the mount, where Jesus stated in Matthew 5:44 that disciples must love their enemies, speak blessings over those who curse them, and intercede for those who persecute them. Luke 6:27-28 reiterates this practical call to do tangible good to those who hate, while Luke 6:35-37 promises that the sons of the Most High will mirror His kindness to ungrateful and wicked men by forgiving and showing mercy. The church witnessed this power in Acts 7:60, when the dying martyr Stephen fell to his knees amid a hail of crushing stones and cried out with a loud voice, pleading that God would not lay this sin to their charge. Romans 12:17-21 forbids returning evil for evil, instructing the saint to relinquish personal vengeance to God's wrath and conquer malice with active benevolence. Peter echoes this in 1 Peter 3:9, forbidding reviling for reviling and calling instead for blessing. This ethic was anchored in the ancient law: Exodus 23:4-5 commanded the Israelite to return a straying animal to an enemy and assist an overburdened beast. Proverbs 25:21-22 promises the Lord's reward when giving bread and water to a foe, and 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 summarizes the posture of love: it suffers long and keeps no record of wrongs.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Matthew 5:44 | Jesus commands loving enemies, blessing those who curse, and praying for persecutors. |
| Luke 6:27-28 | Jesus charges hearers to do good to haters and pray for those who spitefully use them. |
| Luke 6:35-37 | Jesus calls disciples to be merciful, refrain from condemnation, and forgive so they will be forgiven. |
| Acts 7:60 | Stephen kneels under fatal stones and cries out asking God not to hold the sin against his killers. |
| Romans 12:14 | Believers are commanded to bless those who persecute them and not to curse them. |
| Romans 12:17-21 | Paul forbids repaying evil for evil, leaving vengeance to God and overcoming evil with good. |
| 1 Peter 3:9 | Peter forbids returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, charging believers instead to bless. |
| Exodus 23:4-5 | The law commands helping an enemy's stray ox or overburdened donkey rather than withholding assistance. |
| Proverbs 25:21-22 | Giving bread and water to a hungry enemy heaps burning coals on his head and brings the Lord's reward. |
| 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 | Agape love suffers long, keeps no record of wrongs, and refuses bitterness. |
Restoration and Wisdom
Reconciliation Requires Repentance While Trust Requires Prudence
So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
Luke 17:3-4 (NIV)
Jesus sets out how personal repentance opens the door for relational rebuking, restoration, and repeatedly walking together in peace.
While unilateral forgiveness surrenders malice and revenge before God, Luke 17:3-4 shows that full relational reconciliation is bound to the offender's repentance. Jesus commands His followers to rebuke a sinning brother, and if he repents, to forgive him repeatedly. Scripture distinguishes between releasing an offense in the heart and restoring functional trust. In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus outlines progressive church discipline for the unrepentant: if an offender obstinately refuses to hear the church, he is to be treated as an outsider, proving that full fellowship cannot continue without genuine contrition. Galatians 6:1 directs the spiritual to restore a fallen brother with profound gentleness, keeping careful watch over their own hearts. Furthermore, biblical wisdom demands discernment: Proverbs 27:12 notes that a prudent man foresees danger and hides, whereas the simple pass on and suffer harm. Proverbs 26:24-26 warns that an unrepentant hater disguises malice with gracious speech, requiring vigilant prudence. Paul demonstrated this balance in 2 Timothy 4:14-15, committing Alexander the coppersmith to God's ultimate justice while explicitly warning Timothy to guard against him. Proverbs 24:17-18 cautions against malicious gloating over an enemy's fall, and 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 demonstrates that public reaffirmation of love and restored fellowship belong to the brother who grieves over his sin.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Proverbs 24:17-18 | Solomon warns not to gloat when an enemy falls, lest the Lord see and turn away His wrath. |
| Proverbs 27:12 | Prudence foresees danger and hides, while the simple keep going and suffer penalty. |
| Matthew 18:15-17 | Jesus lays down the church discipline steps for unrepentant sin when a brother refuses to hear. |
| Luke 17:3-4 | Jesus instructs disciples to rebuke a sinning brother and forgive him whenever he repents. |
| Galatians 6:1 | Believers are told to restore a caught brother in a spirit of gentleness, watching themselves. |
| Proverbs 26:24-26 | Scripture warns that an unrepentant hater disguises malice with gracious speech, requiring discernment rather than blind trust. |
| 2 Timothy 4:14-15 | Paul commits Alexander the coppersmith to the Lord's judgment while actively warning Timothy to beware of him. |
| 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 | Reaffirmation of fellowship and comfort is extended specifically after the offender repents and bears sorrow. |
Guarding the Soul
Bitterness Usurps God's Role and Poisons the Soul
“ ‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt. “ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
Leviticus 19:17-18 (NIV)
It shows that long before the New Testament, God forbade nursing hidden malice and commanded relinquishing personal vengeance.
Long before the Sermon on the Mount, God laid bare the inward nature of holy forgiveness in Leviticus 19:17-18, declaring, "You shall not hate your brother in your heart... You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself." The Lord specifically addresses what transpires in the unseen chambers of the soul. Harboring an unyielding grudge is explicitly forbidden by God, regardless of whether the offender has sought pardon or even acknowledged the transgression. Scripture treats secret bitterness not as a legitimate emotional defense, but as a dangerous sin that corrodes the person carrying it.
This inward release of vengeance without demanding immediate retaliation is vividly displayed in Genesis 45:4-8. When Joseph revealed his identity to the brothers who had stripped, betrayed, and sold him into slavery, he did not wield their past wickedness against them. Instead, he traced the sovereign hand of God through the affliction, recognizing divine preservation above human malice. When their father Jacob died years later, the brothers returned in panic, fearing retribution; yet Genesis 50:19-21 records Joseph's famous reply: "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God?" Refusing to retaliate rests on leaving divine judgment entirely in God's hands. Joseph actively comforted them and provided for their households, proving that genuine forgiveness commits the wrongdoer to God rather than seizing His judicial bench.
Allowing resentment to fester causes devastating spiritual contamination. In Hebrews 12:14-15, believers are commanded to strive for peace with everyone and to see to it that "no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." Bitterness begins as an invisible seed in the heart, but when watered by persistent memories of an offense, it matures into an invasive poison that harms both the individual and the surrounding body of Christ. Releasing personal vengeance before God protects the soul from becoming an instrument of defilement.
| Passage | What it says |
|---|---|
| Leviticus 19:17-18 | The command prohibits hating one's brother in the heart or bearing a grudge, commanding honest rebuke and neighbor-love. |
| Genesis 45:4-8 | Joseph reveals his heart of mercy toward his brothers, acknowledging God's providence before testing their genuine repentance. |
| Genesis 50:19-21 | Joseph reassures his fearful brothers, refusing to usurp God's place of judgment and promising practical care. |
| Hebrews 12:14-15 | Believers are warned to pursue peace so that no root of bitterness springs up to defile many. |
Where in the Bible
| Book | Passages |
|---|---|
| Genesis | 2 · Genesis 45:4-8, Genesis 50:19-21 |
| Exodus | 1 · Exodus 23:4-5 |
| Leviticus | 1 · Leviticus 19:17-18 |
| Proverbs | 4 · Proverbs 25:21-22, Proverbs 24:17-18, Proverbs 27:12, Proverbs 26:24-26 |
| Matthew | 7 · Matthew 6:12, Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-22, Matthew 18:35, Matthew 18:23-34, Matthew 5:44, Matthew 18:15-17 |
| Mark | 1 · Mark 11:25 |
| Luke | 4 · Luke 23:34, Luke 6:27-28, Luke 6:35-37, Luke 17:3-4 |
| Acts | 1 · Acts 7:60 |
| Romans | 4 · Romans 5:8, Romans 5:10, Romans 12:14, Romans 12:17-21 |
| 1 Corinthians | 1 · 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 |
| 2 Corinthians | 1 · 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 |
| Galatians | 1 · Galatians 6:1 |
| Ephesians | 1 · Ephesians 4:32 |
| Colossians | 1 · Colossians 3:13 |
| 2 Timothy | 1 · 2 Timothy 4:14-15 |
| Hebrews | 1 · Hebrews 12:14-15 |
| 1 Peter | 2 · 1 Peter 2:21-23, 1 Peter 3:9 |
| 1 John | 1 · 1 John 4:10-11 |
The story in order
- God's Law commands kindness to enemies (c. 1450 BC) · Exodus 23:4-5 · Shows ancient Israel was taught to help even those who opposed them.
- Proverbs warns against gloating over enemies (c. 700 BC) · Proverbs 25:21-22 · Shows wisdom literature teaches kindness to enemies brings divine reward.
- Jesus teaches to love enemies and pray for them (c. AD 30) · Matthew 5:44 · Jesus expands the law, commanding active love for persecutors.
- Jesus teaches forgiveness is like God's forgiveness (c. AD 30) · Matthew 6:12 · Links our forgiveness of others to God's forgiveness of us.
- Jesus teaches forgiveness is unlimited (c. AD 30) · Matthew 18:21-22 · Removes human limits on the number of times to forgive.
- Jesus illustrates the cost of unforgiveness (c. AD 30) · Matthew 18:23-34 · Shows unforgiveness leads to severe judgment.
- Jesus teaches forgiveness when praying (c. AD 30) · Mark 11:25 · Links our forgiveness of others to receiving God's forgiveness.
- Jesus is killed, praying for His killers (AD 30) · Luke 23:34 · Christ's ultimate act of forgiveness while suffering unjustly.
- Paul teaches forgiveness as Christ forgave us (c. AD 60) · Ephesians 4:32 · Believers are to forgive because God in Christ forgave them.
- Paul teaches to overcome evil with good (c. AD 57) · Romans 12:17-21 · Instructs believers not to repay evil but to overcome it.
- Stephen prays for his killers (c. AD 35) · Acts 7:60 · Stephen models Christ's forgiveness under extreme persecution.
- Hebrews warns against bitterness (c. AD 65) · Hebrews 12:15 · Warns that bitterness defiles the soul and harms the community.
Forgiveness: God's Initiative and Our Response
| God's Action (while we were… | Our Response (as forgiven) | Passage |
|---|---|---|
| Christ died for us | Forgive one another | |
| Reconciled to God through Christ's death | Forgive one another as the Lord forgave us | |
| God sent His Son as atonement | Love one another | 1 John 4:10-11 |
| Jesus prayed for His killers | Love enemies and pray for persecutors |
Restoration and Discernment
| Situation | Action Required | Warning/Outcome | Passage |
|---|---|---|---|
| Brother caught in sin | Restore in gentleness, watch yourself | Lest you also be tempted | Galatians 6:1 |
| Brother sins against you | Rebuke and forgive if he repents | Forgiveness is conditional on repentance | Luke 17:3-4 |
| Brother sins against you (unrepentant) | Follow church discipline steps | Do not let him remain in fellowship | Matthew 18:15-17 |
| Offender repents and shows sorrow | Reaffirm fellowship and comfort | Forgiveness and restoration are complete | 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 |
| Person shows malice with kind words | Discern and beware | Do not trust blindly | Proverbs 26:24-26 |
| Person has wronged you (like Alexander) | Commit to God's judgment | Warn others and guard yourself | 2 Timothy 4:14-15 |
Key words
- Forgive (aphiēmi (ἀφίημι))
- To release a debt or obligation; to cancel a debt. · Matthew 6:12
- Debt (opheilēma (ὀφείλημα))
- Something owed, an obligation, a sin against another. · Matthew 6:12
- Unmerciful (anileos (ἀνειλεώς))
- Not showing compassion or forgiveness to someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. · Matthew 18:35
- Enemies (echthros (ἐχθρός))
- Those who hate or oppose. · Romans 5:10
- Agape Love (agapē (ἀγάπη))
- Unconditional, self-sacrificing love that seeks the best for others. · 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
- Bitterness (pikria (πικρία))
- Resentment, anger, or cynicism, often stemming from past hurts. · Hebrews 12:15
Releasing someone who never said they were sorry is not an endorsement of their sin, but an act of trust in the righteous Judge. When you forgive from the heart, you lay down the burden of vengeance and mirror the Savior who loved and died for you while you were still His enemy. Live in the freedom of Christ's cross, entrusting justice to God while keeping your own heart free from malice.
35 passages, each cited once.
Scripture cited
- Luke 23:34
- Matthew 5:44
- Acts 7:60
- 1 Peter 3:9
- 1 Peter 2:20-23
- Luke 6:27-28
- Romans 12:14
- Matthew 18
- Ephesians 4:32
- Colossians 3:13
- Matthew 6:14-15
- Luke 17:3-4